Attitude, Mind-set, and Approach is so important in all human interactions, that I can’t even begin to put enough emphasis on it. This is valid is ALL types of interactions and all relationships. Here’s a few examples that I’ve noticed in my own life and I must admit, I’ve been guilty of a few of these myself a # of times… It’s only until I became aware of these that I’ve been able to snap out of being one “those people” 😉
1. The Victim / “Debbie Downer” NOBODY wants to choose to spend time with a person in this state of mind. Sure, everyone has rough patches and friends/loved ones are there for all of us during those hard times, but if you’re constantly talking about how things in your life Suck… sorry sister/brother – you need to snap out of it. I’ve sure you’ve noticed that people don’t reply to all of your texts, return calls, politely excuse themselves when the conversations get too negative. That’s because it’s draining to be around that type of energy. If you’re having a bad day or had a bad experience of some sort, decide that you’ll change it and talk about what you’ll do different. Don’t go posting on fb or calling every friend you have how your boss #100 is an asshole. Another grown-up thing to do – and this is very tough for people – is to look at the situations from an outsider’s perspective. If things keep happening that way over and over… maybe it’s YOU that’s the cause. It’s tough to swallow but very necessary in order to grow.
2. Sad & Lonely – Feel Sorry for Me Attitude Sure, all of us have lonely days when we feel extra emotional, or want to snuggle up with someone who’s maybe not available. For moments like that – gyms, walks, books, movies, pets, and ice cream with a blankie are amazing. How to overdo on this one is by texting your friends, calling multiple times or posting on a social networking site about how your friends suck and nobody is there for you. You’re acting NEEDY and people RUN, not walk away from needy. Like I said, we all have moments when we feel like we need a hug from someone who loves us, but how you go about it changes the end result. By telling the world or in this case, your friends that they suck will not get you the love & attention that you’re needing.
3. The Guilt Trip Queen/King I don’t think I have to say too much with this one. “You never bring me flowers anymore” “We never have date night anymore” “You’re always too busy” “You never call me” Pretty much any comment that puts the other person in a position where they feel bad and have to justify whatever behavior or lack of behavior that’s been taking place. There’s just no need for this. People work so much better with positive feedback and encouragement vs guilt. If you want your man to bring you flowers again, next time you see him say “Baby, I was just passing by the most beautiful flowers earlier today and it made me think of how amazing you are. I loved getting those gorgeous roses from you, they were so beautiful and you know just how to make me feel special!” Be loving and genuine, but don’t for a second focus on the lack of the flowers. He’ll get the message but not in the guilt-trip way.
4. The “There’s Always Strings” / Expectations These types of people are always offering to help, do things for you, but as soon as you take them up on their offer, it’s like you gave up your soul. They (without even realizing it sometimes) hold that over your head each and every chance they get. You needed to borrow their car – any car-related story or conversation will have a little tid-bit about how great they are that they let you borrow it that one time. They helped you open a door into an industry or helped you land a job – every time you say a negative thing about the job, they’re quick to remind you why you’re in that position and how grateful you should be. These types of people mean well, I think, but really overdo it on the expectations and keeping score.
5. The Threatening Tyrant “If you don’t start being a better boyfriend, I’m going to find a better one”. “If you don’t call me back I’m going out with my other friends”. “If you don’t start being nice to me, I’m leaving”. Yes, these are awful examples, but I hear this stuff all the time (not directed at me) haha. But – come on people, if you threaten someone, they’re only being encouraged to do what you don’t want them to do. Be a little more clever and mature – if there is an issue, be an adult and bring it up in a polite, mature, constructive setting that communicates your needs. No threats, no ultimatums, just direct thoughtful mature communication.
Being Fun, Carefree, Loving, and Positive actually draws people To you instead of away from you! Your attitude comes through everything you do and say – so become aware of it and CHANGE it! Snap out of it before you do or say something damaging to the relationship.