What is wrong with the men in Seattle???
I want to connect with the men of Seattle and nationwide for a minute.
I realize in the ever changing world of being a hipster, Seattleite, but business professional… it can seem like a daunting task to know how to actually treat a lady.
Bitter rejections from women, incredulous looks of ” Are those…skinny jeans?” or ” Why are you so dressed up?”, doubts, fears and god forbid a little shame in not knowing what to do or what to say can muddle up a lot in your simple man brain ” Me like woman…Me show woman me like….woman pretend no like man, but do like man?”
You doubt yourself:
” Do I have style?”
” Do I look …dateable?”
” Should I wear glasses, or get contacts?”
” What should I say?”
” What do I do?”
” She is fun …how do I get her number?”
I have been there. I know what it feels like to be a man and not know. Not even have a clue about women. They say one thing but mean another?
So I buy her flowers and she rolls her eyes and says sarcastically ” thanks” but I make fun of her pants and she asks me out? It’s confusing. What I want to do is clear up a small part of that confusion.

Becoming a Gentleman

Do not confuse this with being gentle, or nice, or any of those other words that scream ” I am not a man”. Being gentle has its place as well as being nice but when you are described by women by a phrase like ” Oh he is super nice” MAYDAY. Not what you want. There is a book called ‘How to be a Gentleman’. Google it, buy, read it, live it. No matter WHAT a woman says or does, remember  these few things:

#1  SEDUCTION & ROMANCE

Do you know what DOMINATES the Best Seller list every week? Romantic novels. Let that sink in. 60-80% of the best sellers list is made up of romantic novels. EVERY WEEK. OF EVERY YEAR!!! What does this mean? Deep down she wants that! The romance, intriuge, confidence. The facts speak for themselves.

#2  CONNECTION

Think of some of the highest grossing films of all time. Titanic, The Notebook, Twilight. Or shows like True Blood? Sex and the City? How many guys do you think watched these movies or shows over and over again? How many women just GUSH when you mention them. “OH MY GAWD I have watched them a million times!” ” Sarah, after work lets go watch The Notebook and drink wine until we cry at that one part”. They really connect with these movies for the exact same reason. They yearn for that romance, the true connection, love, a real MAN.

#3  ETTIQUETTE

Can you ever go wrong with being overly courteous, dressing well, speaking well, having good morals and values, and be exceptionally well versed in any social situation??? NO. James Bond? James Dean? Pierce Brosnan…Tom Cruise? Why are these men supposed sex symbols?
Being a Gentleman is a state of mind. You can be homeless and be a Gentleman. Although you probably won’t stay homeless long acting properly.
Don’t open a door because you have to. Or because grandma told you too. Don’t open the door because you think it will get you laid. You open the door for her because she is under your protection while she is with you. You open the door because you are leading, you are the man taking control. She shouldn’t have to open doors. Is she some common maid or something? I don’t care if it is some random woman while you are exiting the store. Don’t leap 20 steps and look like a fool. If you can’t take two steps briskly and get to the door first, then pass. Don’t open the door and expect gratitude. You open it because its the PROPER thing to do and you don’t even think about it. It just comes naturally. If (and they always do) they smile and say thank you – take it in stride….she is thanking you for something that should be right up with breathing. A natural behavior you have for ANY woman. Always incline your head a bit with a small smile with your body language saying “It’s nothing. I don’t expect a thank you.” Open the car door. I don’t care if you can click a button and it unlocks her door. I go over there, open it…look up over the car and wait for her, respectfully, to get in. I make sure she is in and then close the door. If she wears a jacket to dinner or out and takes it off I take it from her and hang it properly and will also help her back into it when we have finished. When we walk on the street I put her on the building side in case a car jumps the curb – it hits me and not her. I pay attention to everything around us as we walk steering her around strangers, people not looking, ditches, un-flat surfaces ( she has heels on), sewer grates, pot holes, puddles or anything that might cause issues. Subtly and without undue attention to it. Natural behavior.

YOU DON’T TREAT WOMEN WELL FOR THE REWARD OF HER ATTENTION OR AFFECTION.

YOU DO IT BECAUSE IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO, AND YOU WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

Once you learn this mentality and stop ‘expecting’ something back, you will become a Gentleman. You never ask a strange woman if you can buy her dinner!!! You are paying her to come talk and hang out?! Like she is a cheap hooker? Bribing her with the promise of a free dinner if she hangs out with you? Putting her in an awkward social situation where she is forced to sit with you for who knows how long and make conversation?! How rude of you. That is not a Gentleman. Don’t buy strange women gifts. You don’t know her. She will think you are trying to buy her affection no matter how lavish the gift is. Do you ever buy gifts for strange men? Then why is it ok to do it with women?  The only type of woman who expects fancy dinners and gifts before getting to know you isn’t a woman you want in your life anyway.
This is what woman want. To be treated properly because it’s who you are as a person. Not because you are trying to impress her, sleep with her, or get her attention. You are the knight in shining armor. The calvin klein underwear model with the knowing smile and chivalrous ways. Chivalry is not dead. Its misunderstood. Men these days are bereft of confidence and therefore cannot act like a Gentleman. Being a Gentleman requires confidence of a sort. But when you become more like a Gentlemen it just oozes confidence and sex appeal. Not to mention NO ONE DOES IT ANYMORE. Who do you know treats women this well without expecting anything back? No one. So you become that guy she tells her friends ” He’s unlike any other guy, he is so respectful and treats me so well”

Buy the book!!!!

Start practicing. It will be awkward at first. It was for me to be sure. I felt like an idiot. I was the guy rushing to the door breathless and making women uncomfortable as I smiled up at them like I had some sort of mental illness ” here you go!”. Makes me roll my eyes thinking of it to this day. Opening the car door and many others followed as my mentality shifted from worrying about myself and what I was doing, to NOT worrying. Instead, I was making sure the lady I was with was taken care of first. The more I did it, the more it became who I am as a person and not a behavior only used to seduce women. Thinking of others and helping others is a big part of getting older and being happier. Its also the path to being a Gentleman.

 

I know what you are saying ” Well the chicks I hang out with or date don’t like that stuff, she says I’m weird when I open her car door” Don’t be lazy. They all love it. Even when they bust your balls, or make fun of you. They are testing you to see if thats how you really are or you are faking it and won’t stick with it. Just smile your best James Bond smirk and say ” It may be weird but thats just the way I am”. Stop making excuses for being like every other guy. Man up. They just dont like it being FAKE or having alterior motives behind it. Do it right. Good luck.
Jerid