Individuals enter our life at unexpected times for many different reasons.
Some, to comfort us. Some, to give us hope. Some, to challenge us. Some, to teach us.
I believe that my experiences and everything I personally go through are not only for my own lessons and growth, but I have this strange calling to share them with others – to somehow encourage, and if I’m lucky – to inspire others.
That said, I met an incredible guy. On all levels amazing. Handsome, driven, confident, funny, goofy, geeky, and passionate. I felt inspired, supported, and calmed by being around him and having him in my life. It takes a whole lot of secure man to date a dating coach, and he handled it seamlessly. The only thing that kept coming up was the distance and schedules. The more and more we talked and spent time together, the more clear it became that our life goals and passions didn’t align.
His career, daughter, life… is in a city that I can’t ever see myself moving to. It would mean giving up my own dreams and passions. And even though this guy was perfect in every other way, I couldn’t settle.
So, what is the difference between Compromise and Settling when it comes to relationships?
My view on it is this:
- Inconveniences that take extra effort
- Details about appearance that didn’t fit your ideal
- Life circumstances that you didn’t envision (divorced, has a child, etc.)
- Your hobbies/food choices/music choices are different
- You give up your dream career or passion/hobby
- You move to a place that you don’t like and can’t learn to like
- You feel less confident, unworthy, or unaccepted as you currently are by your partner
- There are topics you can’t freely discuss and you feel the need to be secretive
Relationships are definitely about compromise and sacrifices. But those sacrifices can’t be so significant that they change who you are as an individual. The person you choose as your partner is the biggest decision of your life, and the most important one. It literally guarantees your success or your failure in a lot of areas in your life. When there are too many areas that need amending and sacrifices, it takes you away from being your true authentic self and becomes too difficult to focus on growing a healthy, happy relationship. Know your limit. Know your deal breakers and don’t settle for a version of you that’s less than what you aspire to be.