Hey M,

Why would women I send a message to not reply? I’m funny & always sincere.  My profile, while profoundly smart-ass, is true, to the point, and I look like my pictures.  What gives?


Dear Ryan,

Thanks for reaching out.  Online dating can be exhausting and frustrating.  No, actually, I take that back.  It IS Exhausting and Frustrating for both men and women.  It’s time consuming, awkward, and a lot of times extremely disappointing.  However!  It does have a lot of bonuses.  You’re in the comfort of your home, are able to “meet” and pre-screen hundreds , if not thousands of potential dates in hours, and you have an incredible chance of meeting not only your perfect match, but tons of great friends!

Now, to answer your question

There can be a lot of different reasons for why a woman doesn’t take the time to reply but I’ll give you some reasons that I’ve personally experienced.

1.  She’s not ready to date or meet new men.  Sucks, I know.  Why is she online then, if she’s not really into it?  Well, the truth is that both Men and Women are in various stages of “ready” and have very different ideas of what they’re looking for.  The word Dating means so many things to so many people!  She may have just created the profile to get a feel for what’s out there.  Maybe she’s still getting over an ex and created the profile as a part of a many step process to letting that relationship go and she’s barely getting mentally prepared for Dating again.

2.  She’s Overwhelmed by Online dating and doesn’t check her messages.  Guys – I suggest you create a fake account with photos of a chick and see what kind of messages you get.  It’s scary out there in the creepy virtual world of lonely dudes! 

3.  She’s too Busy to write back and say Thank you for the message, Ryan.

4.  But – to sum up all of the above reasons and the Biggest Honest Truth is…She’s Not Interested.  Sorry.  She may or may not have read your message.  May or may not have checked out your photos.  May or may not have read your profile.  But ultimately – something about you didn’t grab her and inspire her to write back.  Something about her or her state of mind prevented her from being open to your message or you.  It’s nothing personal…Truly.  And, if  you really are being your genuine, authentic self online and you put in the effort to put together a great profile, and you’re dedicated to finding love & giving this a great shot, then you’re ahead of 99% of the men and women on the site.

The only additional advice that I would give is to really put in the extra effort into your first message.  Make sure the message has the following:

  • Personality.  Make it unique and fun!
  • Purpose.  Whatever you do , DO NOT just say “Hi, What’s up?”  Be a man and drive the conversation someplace.
  • Value.  If your message just asks us more questions or tells us more about you – you failed.  Intrigue us! Entertain us!  Make us smile and demand our attention!  Huge expectations for a first interaction, I know…  But if I said that you can half-ass it with your initial contact, I’d be lying. 

Keep doing what you’re doing, add some extra smart-ass humor into your first contact, and you’ll attract a ready & available woman who’ll not only reply but will be in Awe of you in No Time!