On the topic of “Is Online Dating a Waste of Time for Men?” I received the below comment from Josh. In an effort to bring some light to what online dating looks like to a WOMAN, I thought I’d reply in a blog post.
Online dating is extremely catered to women. They get their pick of the litter naturally, but it is taken to an extreme online. Unless you have something really good going for you in either the looks or the career department, you are not going to have any success as a man. She gets hundreds of messages from these kinds of men every day on that website, so that becomes the standard of what “average” is on the internet to her. How do you pick from 100 male models/rich guys? You have to find the alpha of the alphas, the one who not only has the looks, the money, but can also convey an attractive personality out of nothing but time new roman font!
The standards on the internet are simply unrealistic from the perspective of a woman. It’s better to find dates in real life where her options will be much more limited, thus bringing her back down to earth a little bit. Sure the standards are still high, but at least there is a chance.
I daydreamed a little while reading your comment. But then I woke up to reality.
Yes, there’s less women online dating then men. Yes, women expect the guy to begin the conversation. and Yes, she can choose whom she responds to based on his message, photos, and profile (in that particular order).
However! If you think that the only way to get a woman to respond to you is to be good looking or make a lot of money, you’re very wrong.
The truth is, there’s pretty much only 3 types of guys that message us:
1. The dude who put in the effort and posted some selfies, wrote on and on about how successful he is, posted photos of expensive wine he’s drank, places he’s traveled to, etc etc etc. His entire profile screams “Trying to impress you and buy the hottest piece of ass”. His initial message says something like “You’re cute. What’s your number?” or something clever from one of the best pickup artist skills he’s acquired “You must fool a lot of people with your weave. It looks good”. Or he may play it cool and go over the top with impressing her “Drinks on my yacht in 2 hours?”
Yes, girls go for those guys. But to most girls – those guys, those over the top “Alpha of the Alpha’s” who’s lying about his height, goes out partying every weekend with 18 year olds, and thinks he can buy anyone… is a huge turn-off. If his semi-decent looks (mostly bc he’s mastered the mirror selfies) and a black Amex card intimidate you so much that you give up, then you’re really missing out on a LOT of women who are desperately waiting for a great, confident, REAL guy to write to her.
2. The other extreme is the dude who wears his feelings on his sleeve. He’s so overly loving and affectionate, and shows the woman how much he’d worship her, that it’s nauseating. He’s a hopeless romantic and talks about how every sentence of your profile spoke to him. His initial message asks you things like “What inspires you?” “What’s the most life changing experience you’ve ever had?” “What are your life goals & dreams?” This guy thinks that being sensitive and the girl’s best friend is what will attract his soulmate into his life.
3. Guy who has no idea who he is or what he wants. He’s half-assed his way through life till now and he’s trying online dating because his buddies have gf’s and he can’t hang with them anymore. Plus, he needs a hot chick to bring to family and work functions. His photos are all with his buddies, at clubs, or hugging his dog. His profile is generic and his messages always go something like this “How’s it going?” “How was your weekend?” “Big plans for the weekend?”
Yes, we may get LOTS of messages. But…we’re desperately waiting and hoping that there’s a guy who doesn’t fit into the 3 above categories and say something to put a smile on our face and make us want to write him back.
Know who you are and be Secure with it.
Have a Purpose.
Have a Direction in your life.